I hate how effective medications can be
The difference is night and day.
I’m lying on the couch waiting for the second dose of Adderall to take effect after a highly productive morning . As I wait, I can no longer see a world where I regain my energy and motivation. The effects of the morning dose are wearing off and now everything feels difficult and my brain is full of sludge.
And yet, in about 30 to 45 minutes, my low mood will dissolve and I’ll once again get the ability to simply do things.
I hate how one tiny pill can make such a huge difference. I hate that the past month has been a depressive blur of fog and disregulated emotions as I waited for my psychiatrist appointment.
I resent that this mess is how my brain ‘normally’ works and that I now depend on medication for stability. How on Earth did I even make it this far in life? I can’t remember.
A package arrived at my door and it took everything I had to get myself to pick it up. I threw the package somewhere into my office and collapsed on the couch, cuddling up with my phone and a blanket, trying to ignore the warmth of anxiety blooming in my chest.
An hour later, the fog has cleared.
